two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
