I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
