Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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