we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
