i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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