I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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