We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
