Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
