I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
