thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
