I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
