there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
