apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
