if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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