just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize