I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
