I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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