He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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