I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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