I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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