Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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