this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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