It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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