She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
