There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
