just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
