..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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