its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
