Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
