how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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