Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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