ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
