Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
