fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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