She announced her abortion via fbk
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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