I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
