I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize