you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
