she woke up with a sticky ear
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
