Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
