I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
