if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
