What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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