i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
