I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
