grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
