Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
