She's JV to your varsity
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
