Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize