Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
