yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
