You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
