You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize