I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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