you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize