if i can run in heels then i can drive
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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