I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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