Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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