What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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