I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
