Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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