I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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