Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
