My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
