I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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