Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
A+ Viking dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
