i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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