yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
