I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
