I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't think brook has ever known best
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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