isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
