I hate your face
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
