your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
