Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
