Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize