just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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