I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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