He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
