Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
