I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
