You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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