I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
