Nicole vs. Life
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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