i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
