just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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