i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize