omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
