pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
