White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
