i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
