yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
