The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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