Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
