So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
