Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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