literally had 100 drinks last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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