i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
