So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
