you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
