I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
