Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
