why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
