I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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