I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
