That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize