Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
