Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
