So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
