two words...techno handjob
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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