why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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