can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
