I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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