He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
