Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
