i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
